The Greatest Pirate in the World

The grizzled pirate captain smiled, a glint of his gold tooth showing in the lamp light. "This be yer end, boy," the pirate snarled. "Pray to whatever gods ye might have." He cackled, then slid his blade across the begging man's throat. There was no mercy on the high seas.

"Captain, the first mate be callin' fer ya," a crewman said.

"Clean up this mess, boys. Before ye start drinkin' this time," the captain glared with his one good eye at his rag tag crew. Last time the bodies stayed below deck for a whole day and it took twice that long to get rid of the smell. The captain made his way toward the top deck. The lamps were lit earlier than normal since the clouds started looking angry. He'd weathered many storms in his years, but the way the wind blew made even him shudder.

His newest crew member met him up top, his breathing labored, his face worried.

"Captain, Captain!, " He huffed. "We have a big problem."

"What sorta problem, boy? The dead haven't come back to life have they?" he joked.

The first big wave rocked the boat, spilling a little sea onto the deck.

"We're too heavy, Captain. With the waves and the coming storm we're sure to sink," he shouted. The other men on the deck overheard the conversation and worry set across them like wildfire.

"Too heavy? Nothing could sink her! You'd have to be the biggest idiot on the seven seas to think otherwise," he exclaimed.

"Idiot? Geez...wow. Idiot. That's a little harsh, Captain," the first mate said, his spirit crushed. "I know I haven't been here as long as some of the others, but calling me an idiot? I think I've earned a little better than that."

The Captain sighed and rested a hand on the young man's shoulder. "It's Martin, right? Martin, you're a valuable asset to these men, this ship, and most importantly to me. Of course I'm not actually calling you an idiot."

The Captain cocked an eyebrow. "Are you familiar with hyperbole, Martin?"

Martin shook his head, confirming he did not.

"I thought not. Hyperbole, my dear boy is merely exaggeration. Something to help get one's point across," he said. "I'll show you an example."

The Captain waved over his first mate, a man that had sailed with the Captain for years. "Mick, how would you describe your wife?" the captain asked.

Mick laughed a little. "Captain, my wife is the size of a Humpback whale!"

Martin laughed with the other two men. He was finally starting to understand what the Captain was saying.

"So," said the Captain. "Hyperbole is used quite often and for many reasons. When I called you "the biggest idiot on the seven seas", I didn't really mean that. I just meant that you should have more faith in this ship, in your crew... in me. She's not too heavy and she's not going to sink, my boy. Now why don't you get downstairs and help the lads clean up those bodies," The Captain smiled and tousled Martin's hair.

Martin nodded and beamed a smile at Mick and the Captain before hurrying downstairs.

"You want me to kill the little retard?" Mick asked.

"Aye, spill his guts and feed em' to every shark from here to Barbados," the captain said.
"You sure, sir?"
"Of course I am. I'm the greatest pirate in the world."